I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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