I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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