Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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