i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
