pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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