It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
