I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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