Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he thought i was a dude.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
