my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
