Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
