your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
