We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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