I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
