Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
