last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
