Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
