I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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