She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If that was your dad, he is hot
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my being single is dangerous.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just had sex on a roof
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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