I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
