Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
