I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
