My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
