who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
