Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
