Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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