Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
