All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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