im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
