it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
