Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
barbara walters just said penis...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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