In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
