The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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