all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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