Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
