my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
