what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
