This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize