I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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