soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
