my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
