At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
