He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
