just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
