i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
