New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
