I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
