When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
