It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
