I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
