I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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