remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize