One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
