So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
