I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
