Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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