So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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