I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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