Ketchup is God's man juice
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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