Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize