Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
