I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
