dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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