I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
