If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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