Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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