I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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