Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she told me i tasted like america
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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