Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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