Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
