Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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