...so i touched it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
