'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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