ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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