you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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