So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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