her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
