I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize