he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
