I smell stomach acid.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
