I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
