i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she looked like the before picture.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
