I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did i walk over a car last night?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
