We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
high people should be assigned attendants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
