Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize