I want to have your abortion
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
