scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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