yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
