Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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