I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
