He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
