I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
