I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
420 ftw
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
