Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
