Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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