how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
