gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I supernannyed him into submission
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
