If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize