Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize