I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
