my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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