I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude. I can hear the air.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
